Self-Harm
The day I pirated Ableton 12 was the day I began making good music.
I'm only half kidding, but learning how to use a DAW really increased my music output tenfold, in both quantity and quality. The self-imposed limitations of my previous setup were gone, and I began experimenting like a madwoman.
Around this time, however, the 2024 U.S. Presidental Election concluded, an event that would have massive repercussions for my mental health. In the coming days, I began to cut myself on my thighs, something I had previously only experimented with. While at my parents house for winter break, I developed a ritual of cutting myself while taking a hot bath, which I did about four times a week.
Before winter break, I decided to repurpose some ambient and noise songs I had composed into an EP about self harm. The title track was selected because it sounded the most like what cutting myself felt like, with the following tracks also capturing that feeling. As for why tracks 2-4 are untitled, it's because I was too lazy to give them a title. Plus, it looked cooler.
In the "info" tab for the title track, I wrote like self-harming was something that I had only experimented with, and found to be unsastisfactory. I was lying, I was still actively cutting myself, but I think I had hoped that creating an EP around it would get it out of my system. It did not, and I contuined to repeatedly cut myself, until early January, when somebody (if you're reading this, thank you for being there, I love you forever) showed me so much love, that I couldn't bear the thought of harming myself, because it'd harm her.
As of writing this (early Febuary) I have not cut in a month.